New Beginnings
My friend S and I finally met yesterday. She was visiting her sister in another part of my state, and at my insistence, flew down for a day to be with us.
I was happy but it didn't register that she was really coming.
"Tell me what you're wearing", I asked - hoping I'll be able to recognize her after all these years.
So off went Kamala and I, in search of a woman wearing blue jeans and a brown top, with sparkling eyes and an infectious smile.
"Where will S aunty sleep?", asks Kamala.
"In grandma's bedroom"
Kamala pondered this.
"Will she like me?"
"Of course she will", I reply absently.
"How do you know?"
"She was my best friend and I know"
"But you haven't seen her since high school, so how can you know?"
"She is a mother of two children"
"But how do you know she likes other kids?"
Ummmmm....."I'm sure she'll like you"
"Why?"
"Because I love you - and know that my friend will like you too."
*-*-*
We spotted her easily enough. I got chided by the airport security for driving the wrong way on a one-way street, but that was minor. S had that same great smile that lit up her eyes. We hugged each other - and marveled at the power of friendship. We were both 17 when we saw each other last, and at least that many years have passed since.
S and Kamala chatted on merrily at home. Kamala showed S all her school pictures, and talked about friends, enemies, and annoying-nerds-in-class. S demanded that Kamala eat her food, and as Kamala's hair was unruly, she better get a comb right after dinner. Kamala looked puzzled at suddenly getting another mother, but complied.
"There!", S said after pulling Kamala's hair into a ponytail. "Now I can actually see your face!".
*-*-*
"So, what's up with you?" S asked, after Kamala went off to bed. "You don't look too happy."
I know. I have seen this in pictures and have wondered about it. Tried to change the look, with mixed results.
"Something has changed fundamentally after my father died. It's like some spark died and I'm not able to get it back. Plus, more responsibilities".
We talked at length. S told me of her struggles as an immigrant woman, the personal and professional challenges. She has faced some steep personal losses, taken care of people and survived the crisis points - many times, she said she didn't know how she would get past some things at the time, but she just kept going, and it was done. I am all the more proud of S to have faced the things she did with such strength.
"The thing is, I have learned that sometimes one has to look at what is, and come to terms with it. This is what it is, for better or for worse. Not what was, what could have been, or what could be. Just look at it as it is, open your eyes clearly, and move on. Try to make the best of it. Think if it as starting a new life!"
"What about negativity from people?"
"Shake them off!"
"What if these are people I need to deal with and maintain a relationship with all my life?"
"This is your life too. You have to be considerate of your feelings too. If others aren't considerate, accept that - don't wonder why - accept that they won't be. Be considerate of yourself, and find your joy where you can"
"What about people who aren't happy with their situation, and I feel responsible for their happiness? I keep doing stuff and finally am exhausted mentally and irritable - and hate myself afterwards for snapping"
S looked at me squarely.
"Do what you can, and if they still complain, IGNORE."
"Ignore?"
"Yeah. You have to think of your own happiness too. Start a fresh life!"
*-*-*
Saw off S at the airport today. We hugged and promised to stay connected.
Okay....so I will start a fresh life. Its strange to think of it like that :). In my new life, I will:
a) Accept what is.
b) Not think of what was, what could have been or what could be.
c) Shake off negativity.
d) Take responsibility for my own happiness.
e) Do my best, but after a point, ignore people who are well-meaning but are chronic worriers/complainers.
So help me God.
I was happy but it didn't register that she was really coming.
"Tell me what you're wearing", I asked - hoping I'll be able to recognize her after all these years.
So off went Kamala and I, in search of a woman wearing blue jeans and a brown top, with sparkling eyes and an infectious smile.
"Where will S aunty sleep?", asks Kamala.
"In grandma's bedroom"
Kamala pondered this.
"Will she like me?"
"Of course she will", I reply absently.
"How do you know?"
"She was my best friend and I know"
"But you haven't seen her since high school, so how can you know?"
"She is a mother of two children"
"But how do you know she likes other kids?"
Ummmmm....."I'm sure she'll like you"
"Why?"
"Because I love you - and know that my friend will like you too."
*-*-*
We spotted her easily enough. I got chided by the airport security for driving the wrong way on a one-way street, but that was minor. S had that same great smile that lit up her eyes. We hugged each other - and marveled at the power of friendship. We were both 17 when we saw each other last, and at least that many years have passed since.
S and Kamala chatted on merrily at home. Kamala showed S all her school pictures, and talked about friends, enemies, and annoying-nerds-in-class. S demanded that Kamala eat her food, and as Kamala's hair was unruly, she better get a comb right after dinner. Kamala looked puzzled at suddenly getting another mother, but complied.
"There!", S said after pulling Kamala's hair into a ponytail. "Now I can actually see your face!".
*-*-*
"So, what's up with you?" S asked, after Kamala went off to bed. "You don't look too happy."
I know. I have seen this in pictures and have wondered about it. Tried to change the look, with mixed results.
"Something has changed fundamentally after my father died. It's like some spark died and I'm not able to get it back. Plus, more responsibilities".
We talked at length. S told me of her struggles as an immigrant woman, the personal and professional challenges. She has faced some steep personal losses, taken care of people and survived the crisis points - many times, she said she didn't know how she would get past some things at the time, but she just kept going, and it was done. I am all the more proud of S to have faced the things she did with such strength.
"The thing is, I have learned that sometimes one has to look at what is, and come to terms with it. This is what it is, for better or for worse. Not what was, what could have been, or what could be. Just look at it as it is, open your eyes clearly, and move on. Try to make the best of it. Think if it as starting a new life!"
"What about negativity from people?"
"Shake them off!"
"What if these are people I need to deal with and maintain a relationship with all my life?"
"This is your life too. You have to be considerate of your feelings too. If others aren't considerate, accept that - don't wonder why - accept that they won't be. Be considerate of yourself, and find your joy where you can"
"What about people who aren't happy with their situation, and I feel responsible for their happiness? I keep doing stuff and finally am exhausted mentally and irritable - and hate myself afterwards for snapping"
S looked at me squarely.
"Do what you can, and if they still complain, IGNORE."
"Ignore?"
"Yeah. You have to think of your own happiness too. Start a fresh life!"
*-*-*
Saw off S at the airport today. We hugged and promised to stay connected.
Okay....so I will start a fresh life. Its strange to think of it like that :). In my new life, I will:
a) Accept what is.
b) Not think of what was, what could have been or what could be.
c) Shake off negativity.
d) Take responsibility for my own happiness.
e) Do my best, but after a point, ignore people who are well-meaning but are chronic worriers/complainers.
So help me God.

